How to Bake a Cake for 500

Want to bake that perfect cake for 500 guests and still have energy left to attend the party? Do as I do, then:

1. Make a list of all ingredients. Multiply the recipe as necessary.
2. Obtain a largish truck to haul the ingredients to the walk-in oven. Yes, you'll need a walk-in oven for this job.
3. Find a cement-mixer that hasn't been used for the preparation of the batter and the icing, and price out the cost of rental.
4. Now that you've got those costs well in mind and you have estimated the time you'll have to spend making the cake, follow this simple plan:

Don't bake. Send out.

What The Heck Is A Psychic Cook, Anyway?

I've owned six restaurants in my time, and there's not a whole lot I haven't seen in my 50+ years as a pro chef. There's one thing I can tell you for sure...it's never about the food, never about the menu, never about the recipe, the ingredients, the vendors, the pots and pans, the setting or the location. It's all about the psychic state of the kitchen and table staff. Period.

I'm going to give you tons of successful ways to improve the psychic level of your kitchen, whether it's a home kitchen or a pro kitchen with dozens of chefs from patisserie to the head honcho.

I'll also be providing you with a feastful of mouth-watering psychic recipes and ways to prepare food that you never thought of and that most cooks just plain aren't aware are important, but they are.

The very first lesson is -- no unnecessary talk in the kitchen. Not ever. Not even when there's no cooking going on. Period.

What is unnecessary talk, anyway, and why is this rule so doggone important?

If you analyze what you're about to talk about in the kitchen, you'll have a lot more attention on it than if you just let loose with a stream of chatter. High attention is one major factor in improving the psychic level of your kitchen.

Chatter, which is by definition on a subject other than the immediate food problem at the moment, breaks up the waves of light that are continually descending on the kitchen. This breakup of astral waves causes a corresponding ragged edge of taste in the food, a rancidity something akin to the acrid smell and taste of adrenalin in a stockyard, no matter what type of food is being prepared.

Every ingredient you add to your dish -- even verbal chatter -- is going to change the taste, texture and tone of the dish. If you add verbal crap into the recipe, your food will taste like crap.

Once you have the chatter problem handled, we can start to actually get into some serious psychic recipes...tomorrow I'll post something you are really going to like in your lunch menu.

It's never about the food. It's always about the cook. This is Psychic Cook, saying Peace Be With You.